This time of year naturally makes me reflective. Of late, my thoughts have turned to mortality and the nature of death, dying and how we handle such events. This is my second Christmas without my mother and a couple friends lost loved ones or dear friends and these things have made me think deeper thoughts than normal. I promise this is NOT going to be a morose piece. Just stay with me, I promise this chain of thought will have a happy, or at the very least, upbeat, ending.
I was deep in thought one night when I received an email from a dear friend. A friend of his had recently passed away. He was a relatively healthy 51 year old man who went into the hospital for a routine shoulder surgery. Just a few days before he was admitted to the hospital the two men had talked and joked with each other. The man died on the operating table. My friend was still dealing with his shock over the event and told me that in his mind, there are 4 types of deaths:
1.Older people. We expect old people to die, so when they do, it's not really all that much of a shock. Of course, it still hurts when it happens, but it is somewhat expected.
2. People with terminal illnesses. Again, we expect this and sometimes, it's even a blessing.
3. Random chance. When someone gets run over by a truck or struck by lightning, it's just dumb (bad) luck. There is no reason why he or she was the one killed; it was just a case of being at the wrong place at the wrong time.
4. The "Huh, what?" category. These are the deaths that defy explanation. A person goes into the hospital for a routine procedure and unforeseen circumstances happen and they are just gone.
We messaged a bit more about life events, the holidays and that sort of thing, wished each other peace and went on our merry ways.
Another friend of mine recently lost the love of his life right before Thanksgiving. There was a very touching, yet simple, memorial and ash scattering ceremony. I thought that it was very personal, and classy and just absolutely perfect considering the love story these two people shared. It was very uniquely theirs and it was just exactly what the dearly departed would have wanted. We all have ways of dealing with our grief and feelings of loss when someone is gone from our lives. There are candles lit, prayers said, grave blankets bought, memorials engraved, ceremonies performed, but not one of us really knows what is on the other side. I choose to think there is peace and warmth and love on the other side. You may disagree and that's fine, I'm not trying to sway anyone here. I'm just giving an opinion.
When my time comes, and I really am hoping for a category number 1. type demise, this is what I want. I don't want to be memorialized in marble and I don't want to be buried. From dust I began and from dust I wish to be returned. Don't spend a lot of money on a container, I won't be in it for long. I want my ashes scattered from a lookout point at Pere Marquette Park – preferably one with the absolute best view of the river . I want anyone who wishes to participate to gather on the third weekend of October(when the fall colors are at their height). Wear shades of red and gold and brown, play the song “this ain't goodbye” by Train and release me into the foliage overlooking the bluffs. Then I want everyone to have a lovely meal, maybe some pasta, salad and ice cream. Sit around that table and tell the absolutely most embarrassing stories you can think of about me, laugh, maybe cry a itsy bitsy bit and remember me fondly. When its all over, the participants will be left with a memory of a lovely afternoon with a friend. I can think of no better tribute than to live on in the memories of my friends and loved ones.
I did promise you an upbeat ending and here it is. I have a mission for you. In this newly minted year, make it a priority to do these things. Take some chances, love unconditionally, laugh loudly, taste the ice cream, feel the snow and rain as it touches your skin, give your enemies forgiveness, let go of old wounds, keep the promises you make, and do something you've always wanted to do. Just try to live each day as if it were your last...or close to your last because one of these days, and none of us knows exactly when, you'll be right. You'll never regret it. I promise.
