Let the Valendoom's day blog begin

"Love is like a firefly....hard to catch..and even harder to keep alive."

This is Valentine's day, a day that Hallmark has deemed THE day to celebrate love and lovers. I would really like to take this opportunity to flip Hallmark a big EFF U.

Why do we wait till February 14? Why can't we just celebrate emotions AS we have them. Why wait? Why do people absolutely FREAK THE HELL OUT if you show the least bit of interest in them. "hey, I like you..doesn't mean I'm in love with you or implies any kind of commitment on my part...it just means...I'm comfortable with you, you're fun to hang out with, and it would bug me immensely if you fell off the planet." I dare you, say that to someone and watch them stutter, mumble and mutter something about how they have to wash their cat.

Well, here's an idea. Lets take a moment to appreciate the people we care about. The family we choose for ourselves, our friends.(and our families...let's not forget them).

So here goes. I love you. Cait and Curt...you are truly the loves of my life. I don't know where or who I would be without you two in my life. I'm so glad I'm your mom. It's been the best, most rewarding, exasperating experience...love every minute of it.

Boo (silver, striped tabby cat), though you can't read..thank you for being the one guy I can count on to cuddle with me at night...no matter what pajamas I'm wearing. Your soft purring lulls me to sleep.

and to my "posse"...you know who you are. Thanks for just being there...for the laughs...the phone calls at 2am...the texts...life is bearable and fun because you're in it.

Have a lovely Valentine's Day....and remember to appreciate the people you care about...every day...NOT just on February 14.

Grand Adventures......

"Grand adventures await those who are willing to turn corners......."- Fortune cookie.

This is not news to me. Just as it is not news that I am going to get my motorcycle license...I am going to take a cross country trip someday.. I'm going to write about it.... none of these things will happen if I play it 'safe'. If I stay on the straight and narrow...always doing the responsible thing...waiting for my eventual death of old age and boredom.

I found "Blue" on Ebay. I got the notion a few weeks ago...watch the motorcycle auctions...and see what the prices were like. I figured if I could find a bike cheap enough...(under $700.00) I'd buy one. I had my income tax windfall coming in...why not help out the economy..spend it foolishly??I never really thought I would find a halfway decent bike.

I watched "Blue" for 3 days...never bidding. "Blue" is a vintage(used) 1981 Honda CM400C. She has some miles on her(but so do I) she has a great leather seat(ok..mine's not leather), perky headlights (no comment). She's been through some stuff, but she would be good for me to have some adventures with. I can't explain it, I had to bid on her.

When it got down to the final hour...I made my move. The auction was due to end in 20 minutes....I set a maximum bid of $650.00. I waited and I watched. I was the high bidder. HUH??? SERIOUSLY??!! I kept refreshing the screen....5 minutes....4 minutes....3....2....1. OH MY GAWD. I just bought a freakin motorcycle for the grand total of $611.00.

Me, being a modern girl....I sent out email notifications. The response was overwhelming and positive for the most part....(no word from dad yet....). Mom never checks email, so I had to tell her on the phone. She took the news rather well. For a while. She called me back a few hours later. She has a bad feeling. She feels I didn't think it through. She feels its too dangerous. She feels I'm not being responsible. I'm someone's mother, I should be more responsible.

Well, here's the thing. For the first Forty years of my life, I did the responsible thing, the safe thing, what I was told to do. So did mom. For all her life. you know what it got us? NOT a lot(well, ok...I got two fabulous offspring). She got cancer. She waits to see if she'll get better or worse. I'm just starting to see that the world extends far beyond the boundaries of Illinois. That if you just open yourself up to the universe, magic can happen.

So....do I spend what's left of my life playing it safe? Do I never take a risk on the offchance that I might get hurt? Do I sit all cocooned up in my nice safe place where everything is familiar and no one can hurt me? I'll be safe that way. But I'll never learn that way. I'll never love that way. There is no safe. I can get killed eating a hamburger from McDonald's(Ecoli). I can get killed driving to work in the morning(ice, snow, other driver). I can get raped, murdered and left for dead along any highway anywhere and no one would know for days...weeks...months. That's not living. It's barely even existing.

Nah. I think I'll just take a trip round the corner....see what adventure lies in wait. Meet ya there. If you're game. : )

What to do......

Sooooo What do you do when you're not sure what to do??

Hmmmmm, that's my conundrum. I find myself in a situation that I haven't been in for a very long time. I am finding that I really, really like someone. To the point of idiocy. Why does all our common sense flee us when we come face to face with attraction and humor and intelligence?

I find myself back in high school. The girl in the back of the class. Quiet girl, big eyes. Always thinking, wondering. What would it be like? To be wanted?
Wishing I knew what this person was feeling, if anything at all.

Standing on the cliff...wondering if it's worth the trip down.

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do, but this is what I'm going to do. Just live. I'm not going to wonder anymore. I'm just going to live my life to the best of my ability...and find what joy there is to find.

Because in the end people will feel or not feel as is their want and their inclination. We have no power over it and it's sheer lunacy to think that we do. It doesn't change my worth as a person. It doesn't make my spirit any less amazing.

this is why......

Sometimes when I tell people that I "blog", well, I get some very strange looks. I can see what these people are thinking..."she LOOKS sane.....but...." I know that it doesn't seem to be a very worthwhile pursuit. What could I possibly get out of this? Telling the world my most private thoughts...my dreams..my aspirations. I've dumped so much stuff out here...all the contents of my brain at any given moment. You always wonder if anyone is really reading this stuff or if it's just taking up valuable(yeah..right) cyberspace.

I recently got an answer. A few days ago...I got a call. This person who had been having a rather tough few months wanted to thank me. ME!! Can you believe it?? I was speechless..WHAT did I do?? How did I do anything?? All I did was scribble down a few musings...give some thanks where I felt it was due. In examining my own life,this person saw something of themselves in something of mine. It caused them to re-evaluate and make changes. Just that small step set them on the path to their dreams. It means so much when someone tells you that you make a difference, that you're NOT nuts, there is a rhyme and a reason for what you do.

There are people in our lives who make a difference. Every day. It's never too late to tell someone that they make a difference in your life. It's never too late to inspire someone without even trying. Never.

User handbook for the year 2010

HANDBOOK 2010
Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar..
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants...
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18.. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.
40. Please share this to everyone you care about, I just did.

"Let us not drink to the past, but to the future."
-- Anonymous

stuff in my head....

As the new year fast approaches..I usually take this time to reflect on the past year and all it meant to me. 2009 brought me some amazing gifts and some incredible challenges. I hope that I've learned the lessons that they imparted.

In November of 2008 I joined a singles group- Plenty Of fish...Yeah...Yeah..I know..*rolls eyes* but...just that one simple act of lunacy has brought me so much joy, I can't even tell you.

I met my best friend, Mark(thanks for being there...so many times...to remind me that yes...we can be neurotic...but ONLY WITH EACH OTHER..NO ONE ELSE...that way everyone THINKS we're normal!!) I met a Chef with the heart of a poet, who taught me that compassion and passion are not mutually exclusive. I met some very strong, independent women all of whom taught me about the kind of woman that I am trying very hard to be. I learned to take chances and go places and do things...ALONE. Knowing that when I got to wherever it was I was going....I'd have friends waiting for me...even if I just met them. I learned that Mapquest is my friend....and my enemy.

I've learned over this past year that opening your heart to people....and being vulnerable to feelings doesnt make you weak...it makes you stronger. Taking chances isn't foolish(if you're careful about the chances) it's bravery in it's highest form. To look out over the water....and dive in.

If we Never leave our comfort zones...if we stay only in familiar places..among familiar things...we never meet new people..or experience new things. We never will hurt..or know fear..or pain...but we will never know joy, or passion, or maybe...even love.

Sooo on this new year....I am so thankful for all the lessons I've learned...and I look forward to what this next year will bring me. A motorcycle license? a relationship with a man other than the furry one(Boo) that purrs beside me each night? maybe some travel to unfamiliar places? I don't know....but...I'm looking forward to it.

Sometimes...it's all about taking the leap of faith...and building your wings on the way down. ~~~Leaping~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Plans Change.....

When I was growing up I made big plans. My two best friends and I were going to graduate from high school...and immediately jump into a car and head for California. I really can't remember why that became our destination, other than it was just so far away from the refineries and reality of our current lives. OH YEAH, now I remember. I was going to be an actress (yeah..go ahead and laugh..it is hilarious). C was going to become a big,high powered entertainment lawyer, and V was going to marry Erik Estrada. We were going to all be roommates and live in a fabulous apartment and have fabulous lives... uh...yeah.

The reality of life usually interferes with our plans. I ended up marrying young and working at a local bank for the better part of 15 years. C never did go to law school...she was a paralegal for awhile..and now she's a personal trainer. V recently moved back into the area after being away for many years, she was the one that made it all the way through college and got her master's degree. She married a military man and has lived all over the country....she never did make it to California, though.

Sandra had big plans, too. She had planned on working until retirement age...and then retiring and then doing a lot of traveling. A diagnosis of Lymphoma at age 45 and several rounds of chemo derailed those plans. But when the chemo was over...and she was in remission...she re-met her high school sweetheart, they were married. They did some traveling. Lived in Mississippi, and Kentucky, and now Missouri. This time, when the Lymphoma resurfaced, she had a partner to help her in the fight.

M was coming home late one night on his motorcycle...he had an accident, trashed the bike as well as his knee. He was very nearly dead. Strangely enough, that accident was a wake up call. The bike got rebuilt, and so did he. He's healthier now than he's been in years. He even has a new relationship.

We all have plans. Only we can make them come into fruition. But it's important to keep your eyes open to what the fates have in store for you. The hardest paths often have the greatest rewards.