Legacy

In June of this year, my ailing mom decided that she needed some money.... as she had quite a few gold necklaces, a diamond tennis bracelet, assorted rings...she contacted my dad. Dad had been in the wholesale jewelry business for awhile and she knew that he would take care of this task for her. Dad contacted mom, told her what he could give her for the gold...but the diamonds...they were basically useless. Whenever a jeweler buys your gold...he takes the gold...and strips it of any stones and just pays you for the gold. The stones he uses in other pieces and you really don't get anything for that. Anyway....mom knew she was terminal..and she and dad decided that he needed to do something with the stones. Something special. something for my sister, my daughter and me.



Dad wanted to make sure we were all here today for Thanksgiving dinner....and when it was over he had the whole family go into the living room...and he explained what had happened. He told us how mom knew he was going to have something made for us,out of the stones from her jewelry, but she died before the finished product was revealed.



He gave each of us a gold wrapped box, Caitlin..was gifted with two.



When we opened our boxes....we each were made a pendant....shaped like a flower on a gold chain.Dad and Linda (my amazingly loving step mom)had designed the pieces Each petal of the flower was a diamond, my sister and daughter each got an emerald petal since their birthdays were in May. Caitlin's pendant was smaller, so she also got two smaller diamonds as stud earrings.



Sandra K. Garrett Jones would have been 68 years old on November 30th. Thanks mom, for the birthday present. It's beautiful.

The 7th best year.....

This time of year always makes me think of the things that were and the things yet to be. I got to thinking...(yes...I know that's just so NOT me...but bear with me) this has been one of my all time BEST years. Let me give you the rundown...and maybe get you to thinking about YOUR best years.

First off...it was Christmas 1969, I was 5, and an only child(till May of 1970). I got a pretend kitchen(stove, fridge, oven) a Mrs. Beasley doll, and a white sports car pedal car. Hmmmmm, girly stuff... AND tomboy stuff do I detect a pattern here?

Autumn of 1980. I turned 16, had the worlds weirdest sweet 16 party(at a shooting tournament at Busch Wildlife in Missouri). Anyone else have a birthday cake with a TARGET design in the frosting?? no? just me? Yeah...that's kinda what I thought. I got my first REALLY good kiss. Now some time for Good news/bad news. Good news - I got my driver's license. Bad news- I also got a 1978 mustard yellow Ford courier pickup truck featuring a gunrack AND a camper shell as a first vehicle.

October 1982- This was a bittersweet year. I had a full time job. I was single, I only had a car payment, no boyfriend, no worries..life was good. This was also the year my parents divorced. The lesson here was that relationships are NOT just black and white. There's a lot of gray area and it just doesn't get easier as you get older. It gets more complicated.

May 1987- My daughter was born. I was scared, excited, scared, thrilled...did I mention scared? Ultimately I figured out that she wasn't going to KNOW that I was a novice at this...so I needed to relax. Things went way better after that. Bachelor #1(my ex, her dad) was an over the road truck driver, so I was pretty much a single mom for the first 4 years of her life. We became the "2 Musketeers". My favorite phrase was.." ok Catie...what do you wanna do tonite??"

August 1993- My son was born. By this time I had sort of figured out the whole 'mom' thing, but one thing I hadn't ever dealt with? COLIC. God love him...my little angel was a perfect baby all day. He was smiling, cooing, and sweet...then 5pm hit and he'd become the demon seed. I would not have been more surprised if he spit pea soup all over me and his head spun round on his shoulders. We survived it. He got over the colic and all was well. I did kinda miss the 3am classical music and rocking him ..and rocking him...and rocking him till he would sleep.

June 2008- Taking back my life. Finding myself again. You never really know how lost you are, till you go trying to figure yourself out. I was so lost, I had no friends, my family barely knew me, my children had been alienated from me. Things were not good. Then I told bachelor #2 that it was over. Finally. I went to Cancun, Mexico with my family and without him and realized that the life I had lived up until that point was NOT all that it could be. When I got home, I was free, free of him and free of the old ideas.

November 2010- Another bittersweet year..All the things I've been working on for the past few years have come to fruition. I've got a whole circle of new friends, had some great relationships, reconnected with people from my past that have been treasures beyond measure. I learned that no matter what life throws at me, I can handle it. Usually with a laugh. Sometimes with some tears.

This year I lost my mom. It was, by far the toughest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life, ever. Being there with her, when she needed me and my sister the most, is an experience I won't ever forget. I could wish that I didn't have to go through it, but that would be selfish. Her journey was over, and she's finally at peace and that's the natural order of things. Just to let you know, it's NOT like they show you on television and in movies. To see someone you love die is scary, and not pretty. You feel lost and out of control and the sounds and the sight of the experience will probably be with me for a long, long time.

No matter how much time you think you have... it's never enough. You HAVE to live each minute, not just exist...but LIVE. This was the year that I found out that the word 'family' means so much more than the people you were born to. It means so much more than where you come from. It's where you are going and who you choose to take along for the ride.

I'm so thankful for all these lessons...and so grateful for them. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Walking in Memphis....

I've recently become a fan of....the road trip.

Yes, I know that usually the appeal of 'the road trip' wanes as a person grows older. Well, as we've all discovered already, I'm just NOT your normal chick over 40.

I wasted(ok...that's a harsh word, I didn't really 'waste' anything) my youth, well the years between 19 and 29 years old anyway, on such frivolous pursuits as being a newlywed, having children and then raising them. I missed out on the college experience entirely and also on the chance to just go out into the wild blue yonder of the open road for fun and frolic with a group of friends or just one person. No agenda at all other than to find something cool, go to a sporting event, or hear a band I really liked.

The road trips of the past included a healthy dose of guilt and an overdose of relatives...usually mixed in with a holiday or birthday of some sort. Throw in a few surly teenagers or toddlers..and there you have it. Never a good recipe for 'fun and or frolic'.

Over the past month or so I've been to both a college football game and a rock concert. GO ME!! : ) Both these events involved road trips...and I learned a few things.

If your host and hostess want to dress up their vehicle with flags, magnetic signs and memorabilia for their chosen college team.....it usually makes for a REALLY fun ride. NEVER, ever dress in the opposing teams colors. I asked what the appropriate colors were before the game. Kentucky wildcats blue= BAD, Gamecock garnet = Good.
College football fans are rabid. It's not just life and death...its WAY more important and WAY more fun. *grins*

When 'walking in memphis' wear comfortable shoes, cause you're gonna be in them for awhile. I've been to concerts before...but usually they involved seats. I admit it, I was a novice. This time, however, I was a REAL concertgoer. I stood outside and explored the street in front of the venue with my partner in crime, T. We observed the local wildlife..and made notes of the local uniform. Note to self- Hoodies and skinny jeans are NOT for everyone and seriously...what is the appeal of the 'ear gauge'? Our tickets were checked by a guy that had to have been a giant in a former life and was a head taller than my date, which is saying something cause..he's impressive. We were ushered inside and came face to face with the Cookie Monster's younger sister. Black and pink hair, and an outfit by Cuisanart. one of the notable quotes of the nite " huh...and she looked in the mirror before leaving the house and thought....'damn..I look good'"

We made it down front and were fourth row from the front....where we stayed for the next 5 hours. Through four different bands, one of which had a song named "shut the hell up" we all got to sing the chorus...and we meant it. The concensus of the crowd was...."please...shut the hell up!" we saw: The Few-very good...the lead singer had a voice very much like Amy Lee of Evanescence and their color coordinated black and neon green outfits were just beyond cute. Not to mention their "come on and lets put on a show" attitude was infectious. Crushing Juliet- yet another quote of the nite "dang...the bassist is pretty!!" and he was. There was NO shortage of guyliner or hair product in that band. They were pretty good too, but we couldnt hear the lead singer. It was either fate, or smart soundboarding. We'll never know.
Next up, Spyder Rockets..Yeah. The name was a harbinger of the terror that was to follow. Their best song: "shut the hell up" kinda says it all, doesnt it?

and the last band to perform before OUR band played was SORE EYES. They were actually pretty good...except the lead singer was kinda a whiny little guy who griped about how no one would come out to support Memphis music...(uh...we were there...in memphis...at a concert..what do ya call that?). He also welcomed his friends from all over and encouraged them to Mosh and crowd surf. uh...WHAT? These Yahoos rushed the stage and attempted to crowd surf over a group of 18-25 year olds(and me and T) None of us were having it. We didnt participate. There's nothing more disappointing than a denied crowd surfer. Nor is there anything more angry.

Next they started trying to get us all to MOSH. They started slamming against us nearly knocking a few of the more slight down, and to be honest...I got a little scared. A young couple that was standing next to us..and who had been hanging out with us outside the venue got roughed up a little...and into a little altercation. They ended up being thrown out along with the Yahoos who started the whole thing. Now that I have time to reflect on the whole thing...I remembered something. When The whole thing got started I got knocked around a little too, until I felt two big strong arms around me and a solid presence at my back. It was nice to have someone around who literally..."had my back". It was a new experience for me and one I kinda liked.

Finally....OUR band started. YAY! Framing Hanley was really good. They sounded just as good as they do on YOUTUBE. I wish they would have done T's favorite song. or mine. BUT they were still GREAT. Another little Yahoo tried to muscle his way past T to get closer to the front...it was kinda funny. Have you ever seen someone picked up by their hoodie and physically set down a foot back from their chosen destination? TRULY entertaining. The look on the kid's face was memorable.(ANOTHER note to self- NEVER get between T and his music. NEVER).

We bought a couple Cd's on the way out, visited with the kids from THE FEW.. got some makeup and hair tips from the guys in CRUSHING JULIET, walked right past all the SPYDERROCKETS, and glared at SORE EYES. All in all...the whole thing was quite an adventure.

You know, the thing I'm learning is, life isnt so much about the goal...as it is all the side trips along the way and the people you take with you. Take the wrong people..and its a whole different trip.

The note in the book at Borders

Last night I went out to dinner with friends and afterwards we stopped into Borders to browse the books and have a coffee drink for dessert. While we were there......I happened upon a series of books called POST SECRETS..



The concept was simple, the author placed ads in newspapers around the country asking people to send him their confessions or secrets, happy or sad, anonymously..on post cards. He then took all the anonymous secrets and published a book and then another book....and then...another book. The series spawned a website.



http://www.postsecret.com/



while I was in Borders looking through a book of POST SECRETS....a note fell out.

it read: "I'm Bipolar... will anyone ever love all of me and my different moods?"



I kept the note because I found it incredibly sad that this person has no one to tell their secret to. They have no one to confide in and take comfort from, but most importantly, they don't know that there IS hope. That if they seek help, they can have a normal life, they can know love...and happiness. It won't be an easy journey and I don't know from personal experience how hard a journey it will be, but I know they can do it. With the right help and support, they can make it.



If you know someone who is hurting, tell them there is hope. So that they won't write an anonymous note and leave it in a book...for a stranger to ponder over.



"Dear stranger-

I'm thinking of you right now...and I'm hoping that you get the help you need and find the love you so richly deserve."

Just when ya thought.....

I've been kind of lax on the postings lately...but..



I've been busy, LIVING my life...and not just writing about all the stuff I want to do....I've actually been DOING stuff. : )I've also been busy "counseling" my friends(I seem to be the Dr. Phil of my group) and just taking each day as it comes. Thanks to FACEBOOK I've gotten back in touch with old friends and realized how precious they really are. Thanks to a couple of dating sites...I've run into a whole other batch of people ...some were potential dates that ended up as trusted friends and confidants.(Mark- "I was depressed...so I went shopping" Me- "oh god...what did you buy?" Mark-"well....I got a really great shirt that makes my eyes 'pop' and a couple of ties and a jacket and..." Me-" is your girlfriend aware that you are my best gay heterosexual friend?" Mark"yeah...she knows..she loves it when I shop for her.")

I've become the 'go to' gal for several of my male friends. Whenever they have problems or concerns with 'women' stuff...they come to me. One guy's therapist said I was 'very wise'. I think she needs a little...'therapy' herself...but whatever.

L is devastated. He wants so badly to be loved and have someone in his life. He hates being alone. Its really hard...because I know what he's going through. Everyone just wants to be 'the one' to someone. He's doing a lot better...but he has a ways to go. I've been trying to get him to just live the adventure...and take each day as it comes. Doesnt make it any easier on him...but he'll make it. I know he can.

and then....there's me. I'm going to the gym nightly...working on my physical self as well as my mental state. Going out....doing things i've never done before.

Road Trip to a college football game...COOLEST THING EVER.

Playing roulette.....and winning... Second coolest thing ever.

Solo motorcycle rides around town... exhilarating beyond imagination.(even better on a full moon night...*grins*)

Being treated like I always dreamed I would be and never really thought would happen.... better than I ever thought possible.

I marvel now at the group of friends I've gathered around me in the last few years. Hard to believe that just a few short years ago...I had no one. Seriously. NO ONE. Never again will I let someone isolate me like that. EVER.

Its amazing how just opening yourself up to the universe and all its possibilities can enrich you beyond your wildest dreams. Take a chance...you never know where it might lead.

I'm fine...thanks. : )

I recently started working out at a nearby health club. This place opened up about 7 months ago about 5 blocks from my place and I had been driving by it thinking to myself "I need to join...I need to join...etc"

So, I did. I've been going there for a few weeks now in the mornings and there's this older couple (in their 70's) that are always already there when I get there. When I went to work out monday morning....they weren't there. I panicked. I've come to enjoy seeing them. I've never actually spoken to either of them, but it's like they're family. Yeah, don't get me started on how strange THAT seems.

Tuesday arrived...and still they weren't there. I was really wondering now. so I went to work out on Wednesday morning..and they were there! YAY. She was riding the stationary bike(her usual) and he was on the treadmill already(he usually works out with the weightlifters and then does the treadmill to finish off). I walked by him and he smiled at me as I took my place on one of the treadmills down from him. I did my 2 miles....and smiled to myself about how healthy they looked and how stupid I was for worrying after their welfare.

He finished his workout and was standing there talking to a fellow gym goer when she walked out of the machine area looking for him. I watched her eyes search the room for him....and I saw her smile and light up when she spotted him and she walked over to him. I watched them...and it struck me that they were like that 'other'old couple that I saw a couple years ago. The ones I saw at the post office right after bachelor #2 and I separated. It's funny how I can spot real, true love now. It shines like a beacon, sparkles like a diamond, it made her glow as she walked across that gym floor. He lit up when he saw her walking toward him. I witnessed it all.

How many times do we not even notice the love all around us? How many times do we ignore it when it finds us? I watched them, and again it struck me that it might be something I'll never actually have, and I felt a few tears as they fell on my skin...and I pretended it was sweat and I pretended I wasn't crying. Then I thought about how far I'd come in a couple years...the goals I have achieved(got my motorcycle certification this past week, working on getting my physical self together now, was there with my mom when she needed me the most) and I realized that even if I don't find THAT kind of love....I am rich in so many other ways. Rich in close friendships and the love of my children and family. I smiled then.

yup, I'm just fine. :)

Weekend mornings...

Saturday and sunday mornings are tougher than I thought they would be.

Mom used to call me by 10am... If I didn't call her first. Oh...she would ALSO call every day between 4pm and 6pm. EVERY DAY. : ) It was her habit....and as many times as I tried to change it, couldn't be done. No matter how many times I told her that my life was NOT that interesting...that nothing happened.. didn't matter. She was just trying to keep connected to me and my life. I see it now...at the time, I didn't.

The weekend morning calls were the ones that were more interesting....we'd get into discussions on religion, politics, relationships...all the good stuff. Along with the minute details that make up a life well lived. We'd talk about all the adventures I wanted to take...all the adventures she didn't take...but sometimes wished she had.

so now...I just have the conversation in my head....it's not as satisfying....but it goes something like this..

"hey mom....what's up? yeah? it's that quiet? well....play some of your favorite Elvis tunes...shake things up a bit!! Ohhh...I don't think he'd mind...I'm sure God has a great sense of rhythm.... or better yet...play some Def Leppard!! (laughs) ok..maybe not. Yeah, Russ is doing ok...he misses you a lot...we all do..

NO...we're all fine, mom. Really. It was your time!! It's what was best. Me?? oh..things are good.. NOOOOO, I'm not seeing anyone seriously.... PUHLEEZE!! who would put up with me?? (laughs) eh...stop with the worrying...I'm just gonna do my adventures...and the right guy will either come along...or he won't..either way...I'll live the life I want..right? Nope...not a regret at all. I have a great network of friends...it's not like it used to be.

Well...yeah...sometimes I miss having someone around...but for the most part...I don't mind being alone! No..REALLY! I've always been like that...you know that! Give me a good book to read and a couch to snuggle into and I'm fine. and then there's my motorcycle... Don'T start!! YES.....I'm very careful!! I promise... oh...you have to go now? Einstein invited you to play scrabble?? seriously?? Don't let him cheat you again!! take the dictionary!! yes...I love you too... "

or....something like that. : )