Magnificent Obsessions

I thought I was the only one who had an obsession. I was sooooo wrong. I was five years old when I discovered that if you arranged letters a certain way...it made words. If you arranged words a certain way...it makes whole sentences. When you string a whole bunch of sentences together, you can express yourself and your thoughts. Books became my obsession because they contained all those wonderful words and sentences strung together to create whole worlds I could lose myself in for hours and days on end. Until I finished the book. This is my obsession. My parents accepted it. People I've loved have either accepted it...or hated it. Bachelor #1 never quite understood because reading was a struggle for him. Bachelor #2 was jealous of anytime spent reading. If I was in another world, obviously I was paying not enough attention to him.

When you can find someone who accepts you for your obsession...its an amazing, wonderful thing. Seems like you can search your whole life for that and never find it.Several of my friends have found that person who knows them and their obsessions..and accepts them. Paul and Julie have that. Heck they even share an obsession for vintage decorations which they change for every season. Halloween and Christmas are AWESOME, but all the other holidays and seasons are equally represented. Of course, Paul does have one other obsession...bicycles. It took over their garage to the point that it has become a side business. Julie has a fixation of her own too, wine and shoes.

Darrell collects old coins...and when I say old, what I really mean is ANCIENT. I went to he and his wife, Carrie's house once and made the mistake of asking about a recent coin show. I ended up with a total history of a coin that was probably minted when Ceaser walked the earth and I even got to hold it. I haven't discerned yet what Carrie's fixation is, but I think it might be organizing football team schedules. NO, I think that's just a necessity in dealing with her husband and son's sports.

Lance is a totally different kettle of fish. His fixations range from rabid political debate to sports, baseball particularly. But....He does have a bike collection. Only Schwinn's for some strange reason. hmmm, go figure. I haven't heard about any new acquisitions lately, I think because his wife, Michelle, threatened bodily harm.

Now, the BF is a unique case. He's not fascinated by anything small like coins.. He loves arcade games and pinball games. He collects them. When I first saw his living room...I must admit it threw me for a loop. Not a lot of people have pinball games and arcade games in their living room. Then, I had to put things in perspective..he's single, it's his house, he's a guy. Why not? I faced my own obsession and realized that if MY fixation was out in the open, it just wouldn't be pretty. The only reason no one knows is because all my books are in a HUGE plastic storage container in my basement, and in my leather storage trunk in my living room, and in the wicker storage trunk I use as a side table and on my bookshelves.

We also share an obsession or two. We have a love of going out on adventures, mostly on two wheels. Wind in our hair, music cranking loudly.

But here's the thing...not only does he accept my "book problem" he texted me today that he had found something really special for me. For most women, you would buy flowers or candy, right? Nope..not for me. My guy got me: a Libre E-reader. It's pre-loaded with 100 books!! Classics that I haven't read but have been meaning to all my life. I nearly wept. That's never happened to me before. Someone got me something that I never even knew I always wanted. How cool is that when someone 'gets' you? Pretty freakin awesome is what it is.

four words.....

Just four words. They've come to mean a lot to me lately -'Wish you were here'. Always before I could be perfectly happy left to my own devices. Of course, there were times when I would wish for the company of a significant other. I just didn't stress over it, I just would lose myself in a book or become wrapped up in a movie and the longing would pass.

You can tell that you've met someone important in your life when the times when you wish for their company become more often than the times when you don't mind your own solitude. You find yourself wanting their presence as witness to the most mundane things. You need them there with you when you're not at your best to remind you that you're worthy of this relationship. After a rough day at work, you just want someone to commiserate with who will offer you solace and support.

Laughing at a movie is not as much fun alone, a shared guffaw holds far more joy and the sound is much sweeter. Cooking your favorite meal is great, but when you really want to nourish the person you care about with it, the charm is quickly lost and the food itself just doesn't taste the same.

I knew that being in a long distance relationship was going to be a challenge, and it has been and that's okay. I think he's worth it...and I hope he would think the same of me. I know there will come a time when we will be in the same zip code. The time that we do spend together makes it all worth it, and it's not like we live across country from each other. It's only a couple hours by car and compared to others who are in the same kind of relationship... we're very lucky. We still manage to spend a few days together every other week. Some people don't get to see the object of their affection for months on end.

yet..when I'm watching a favorite movie, reading a favorite book, needing a hug after a long day, when I'm waking up in the morning and when I'm just falling asleep.. "wish you were here".

One Night(Alton Telegraph, 7/10/11)

According to the website for the American Cancer Society, www.cancer.org, there were approximately 450 people that perished of non Hodgkin Lymphoma in the state of Missouri last year. On the night of July 17th, Sandra K. Garrett-Jones was one of them.



Mom had originally been diagnosed with the disease way back in 1991. After extensive chemotherapy and testing over a 2 year period, her lymph nodes were pronounced clear and her doctor told her that she was 'good to go.' During the course of treatment she lost a lot of weight, her hair, and her patience. My grandfather and aunt were also fighting cancers of their own during this time. So, not only was mom working a full time job, but she was going to treatments and trying to support them. She became a warrior. The American Cancer Society provided a lot of resources for her and the rest of the family during this time. In return, mom began participating in the RELAY FOR LIFE event every year.



This is an all night event that starts on a Friday night at 6pm on a high school football field and ends at 6am the next morning. The participants are all in teams and the team members take turns walking or running the track surrounding the field. Each team also has a fund-raising booth where they sell food, services, and trinkets. During the course of the night there are games and activities to keep everyone's spirits up and my favorite part is the luminaria ceremony.



You buy a luminaria(a paper bag that will be weighted with sand and a candle when completed) for $5.00, decorate it with the name of a family member or friend that is currently fighting cancer, or has passed on from the disease. All the luminaria are positioned on the bleachers and lining the track and then they are lit...and the lights on the football field are all turned off. The only illumination coming from all those bags as all those names are read. It's a very solemn period.



The money raised at this event is used to help fund the programs that the Cancer Society provides to cancer patients and their families. Our family usually participates in a couple of these events every year. My sister and I go to the Central St. Charles event and my mom's sister and various cousins participate in the East Prairie, Missouri event.



In June of 2008 mom's cancer returned, but this time it was a lot more aggressive, and since she was also a lot older it took much more of a toll on her. She fought it valiantly right up until the very moment of her demise. With many warriors there is such a thing as a 'good' death. To die in the midst of a battle is considered the highest honor. If you believe in that sort of thing, then mom indeed had a 'good' death.



My problem is this, with mom's death, so went my spirit. It seemed to me that the one thing that I was fighting so hard for, had already been lost. I wasn't going to be able to save her, so what was the point? So this year, when it came time to sign up for this year's event, I was a little less than invested. My sister is wholly invested. I marvel at her tirelessness. She has put on more fund-raising activities than a lot of the other teams involved. She has had rummage sales and bake sales. She has hawked ice cream and donuts. She built a gift card basket to raffle off the night of the event and so far it's worth about $200.00.

When I expressed my apathy for this year's event. Her response was simple. “If we don't do it, who will? If everyone gives up, then who will be left to fight? What if, someday, we get a form of cancer? Then what? If we give up, who's going to fight for us? It's one night, out of 365 nights. Just one night, just do it.”



The teams in this year's event have so far raised over $21,000.00 and that one night hasn't even happened yet. If you've never done this, please consider joining us July 15-16, 2011 from 6PM to 6AM at Lutheran High School, St. Peters, Missouri. This one night can give you a new perspective on the rest of your life.



If you don't choose to participate in an event, please consider donating to our team or any team. Go to this website:

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?fr_id=32204&pg=entry



Our team is “take a bite out of cancer”. Come on, it's painless. Just do it.

just to let you know....

So, a friend mentioned that today would be an excellent day for a ride. She went on to mention that she should probably get a boyfriend with a bike so she could ride along. Her alternative was...to learn to ride herself. Then it occurred to me that although there are a lot of things in life that are like a relationship between a man and woman.... this is a good example.

I have always loved motorcycles. When I was a child, I think it was my uncle that took me on my first ride(with dad's admonishment to be extra careful..). When it comes to motorcycles...you either love them..or fear them. I loved them. When I turned 18 my parents divorced and dad got a BEAUTIFUL Honda Goldwing. Some would call it a midlife crisis cycle....I called it going back to a love he had forgotten. I could tell how much he liked to go for rides, it was like a cleansing of the soul when he would come back from a ride. He would take my sister and I for rides on it. I loved it and dreamed of a day when I would ride by myself. I think my sister liked it, but I don't think as much as I did.

I forgot about my dream for awhile. Ok, it was a LONG while. It wasn't until my children were older and my husband(at the time) bought a Honda Nighthawk. He would take me for rides and the dream of a solo ride resurfaced. I mentioned it to him a few times, and he said he would teach me, but we never got around to it. The Nighthawk was sold and we divorced.

With my second husband I mentioned my dream again... he was in the "I hate and fear motorcycles" camp. As was the case for most things in that marriage, if he was against it..it didn't happen. It wasn't much of a relationship in that regard and that's why it didn't last. I don't consider it a failure, though. The failure was mine in not standing up for myself and my wants and dreams. I finally learned to do that and we divorced as well.

Then the dream became mine again. No longer was there anyone to tell me "no", or "maybe someday". My day was now. I took the beginners course, and though it took me two attempts, I passed it and I got my class M license. I bought a small bike off of eBay (more details are in previous posts). I took that first solo ride and it was everything I wanted and so much more. I did have to sell BLUE(my nickname for my first bike) back in November. It needed some mechanical work done and I just didn't want to invest the money when I need a bigger bike anyway.

I have been without my own ride since then, but if you've read me lately, you know that my boyfriend has a beautiful bike and I ride along with him whenever I get the chance. He is aware that I want my own bike.. "is it at least going to be an American made bike?" he says. "It will be whatever I am comfortable on, can ride safely, and that I can afford" I say. He's good with that.

This is where the 'relationship is like a motorcycle ride' thing comes in..It's very important that you learn how to ride solo in life. You should always know that you can handle things alone before you get into a relationship with someone else.

In a relationship both people in that relationship should realize that you don't HAVE to be together, you CHOOSE to be with that other person. There should be a mutual respect of each other's hopes, dreams and desires. As well, as each other's individuality. There will be times when you will ride solo and there will be times when you choose to ride together. The times when you are solo in no way diminish yourselves as a couple, it's just an expression of individuality and independence of self.

True, I don't have a bike of my own right now and he understands I will have someday, but he likes that I choose to ride with him. I appreciate that he chooses to take me with him and we both know that whether or not we are solo...we're still very much together.

The Perfect Day....

Soooooo, the BF came into town Friday night for a rare stay till Sunday. BONUS!
We spent the evening watching a couple movies and just being together. Ok, so it's NOT all that exciting, but when you're in the midst of a long distance relationship. It's the little things that really mean a lot.

Yesterday started off really nice and easy. I actually cooked a real breakfast. Hey, don't be so shocked....it happens! I can cook without burning the house down, I don't care WHAT the local fire marshall told you. After breakfast we checked local news stories online, downloaded music, and outlined the day. Plans? Motorcycle ride followed by our favorite pastime, karaoke.

I have been on motorcycle rides before, but this was different. This was OUR first ride together. Would he be a safe driver? would he laugh at me in my full face helmet? These are the things we were about to find out. We set off on our journey on his 1994 Victory Kingpin(pictured above..but without it's saddlebags and windshield). We threw a couple jackets in the saddle bags...put on our helmets, and off we went. Note: He didn't laugh at my helmet. BONUS!! : )

We went north up the great river road, route 100 through Alton, up through Grafton, He had his Ipod blasting tunes. we sang along, the wind and road were our backup singers. The weather was a perfect 80 degrees and sunny. His music is an eclectic mix of everything from Roy Orbison, to Keith Urban, to Aerosmith,to Taio Cruz, and the Black eyed Peas. Chances are if it's music, he has it. I didn't hear one song that I didn't like.

We crossed the bridge over into Missouri and headed to Kampsville, stopped for a soda and to stretch our legs. We talked with a bait shop owner about the best route to Louisiana, Missouri (there was a place there that he wanted to take me to). and we were given a couple free maps.

It had been a long time since I'd been on a bike for any length of time, but it was totally worth it. We had dinner at a quaint little place called the Lighthouse Inn and by this time it was 7pm and time to head back.

On the trip back home we put our jackets on because it was close to dusk and the temperature was a little milder, but still very pleasant. We were gifted with a beautiful sunset on the way home. The sky showing us some beautiful colors over the bluffs and hills of the landscape.

This was my brand of bliss. On the back of a bike,arms around him,a beautiful sunset at my back, music blasting and the road before us. I could get used to this.
:)

The road blog....

I promised you adventure...so here goes. The BF(boyfriend) lives a couple hours away from me and usually he travels to see me, but in the interest of fairness...and to accommodate his work schedule, I have taken it upon myself to expand my road trip proficiency. I purchased a Tom Tom GPS system so that I could travel without fear of getting lost. I FREAKING LOVE Ross(the voice inside my Tom Tom is a Scottish guy named Ross....)I love my BF more, but Ross is a close second because he gets me TO the BF.

BF has a work schedule in which it's really rare that he has a whole weekend off, so we make do. He's come to see me(making the 2 hour trip from home...or the 4 hour trip from where he's currently working) whenever he can. I'm a 9 to 5er so I am at work through the week and off on weekends. I really do love the freedom and independence of making a plan, packing an overnight bag and heading out. I really love that few hours on the road with my Blackberry music collection, my thoughts and the occasional bluetoothed phone call for company. Maybe I was always a gypsy at heart, but it really refreshes me and renews my soul. Someday, I'm gonna do this via my own motorcycle!! yeahhhh, baby.

So far this long distance relationship isn't an IDEAL situation, but for a beginner in the REAL relationship game, it's pretty cool. There's none of that annoying.."but he/she is in my space all the time, I wish I had some time to myself" stuff. We have ample time to ourselves, to BE ourselves and to pursue our own interests, all the while knowing there is someone out there that we can call our very own.

Communication is key. We call, we text, we send each other funny YouTube videos. I can honestly say that I've had more honest communication in this long distance relationship...than in the more conventional 'up-close and personal' relationships in my past.

Trust is very important. We really have an understanding that we have chosen each other. Nobody else even comes close, so why even bother to look. I know that for me, I feel like I've found a home after a long time searching. He had told me the same thing was true of him as well.

All relationships have misunderstandings.... in the past I would do pretty much anything to avoid a conflict. BF won't let me get away with it. He makes sure I know when he's upset about something and he wants the same in return. The idea being, "fix things as they happen, don't let things build up". So far, so good.

So here I am...at a Panera Bread company in Northern Illinois enjoying a Caramel Latte and a scone. *happy sigh* ahhh..this is the life.

soooo, here's the thing....

So, here's the thing...

That phrase usually means I'm about to say something tremendously important to me, but I'm trying to act like it's NOT. It's a family thing. I do it. Dad does it. Sis does it. We try to express our innermost feelings by acting like it's not a big deal. Trust me, it is.

So, here's the thing. The thing is, I've been rather lax in my postings lately, but you have to give me a break. LOTS of stuff happening in my life. I've been given a few gifts.

I entered a column submission to a local paper, they accepted it, and now I get the opportunity to be a guest columnist. Pretty cool, huh? That's ONE of the things. The other is this... sit down. It's big. I'm actually IN a relationship. Not 'kinda' in one...or 'sorta' in one. He's mine, I'm his. It's a big deal. The future doesn't seem like such a scary place, anymore. The possibility of having a companion on my journey seems like a cool idea now.

It came about so naturally, very easy, and very unexpected. He was someone that I met a year and a half ago and I figured 'well, this isn't going anywhere'. So, I just mentally put him in the 'he's a friend' category. I thought that's where he put me too. We never really lost touch, we saw each other through some dark times, always seemed to be there for each other when we needed someone. When mom got sicker he listened as I cried on the phone, when his heart was battered I gave him advice. When mom died I had a lot of people who cared, but he was willing to drive the six hours from where he was working and actually BE THERE for me.(I didn't let him...and I should have, it would've been nice to have a strong hand to hold).

Our 'friendship' evolved without me even knowing it. He knew. He knew that what he'd been looking for, he already had and thought he'd lost.

A funny thing happens when you can finally see yourself as someone else sees you. When you open your heart just a little bit, amazing things happen. So, he came to see me and when I saw him, and saw the way he looked at me, there was this moment. It was like this: a voice in my head said "OH, THERE you are...I've been waiting for you." I FINALLY get it. Huh, who knew?

So, here's the thing- NOW the adventure really begins. Don't worry, I'll keep you posted.