I've been pretty open about this journey that I'm on...much to the consternation of my friends and family, I'm sure. I just look at it this way...In my struggles...maybe someone will see something in themselves that will inspire...or be a good warning.
Oh well...as one of my facebook posse posted today... this is Basic Truth #1- There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. With that comes the only basic duty. The duty to take the consequences.
Here's the thing....if you are doing as you "damn well please" and you're going along and you're living your life...and you build yourself this nice, solitary life... What is the consequence of that? You become aloof, cold, remote. To the point that you forget what it feels like to interact with others. You forget what it means to care. Then, when you have convinced yourself that you are content with that life a person comes along and reminds you of all the things you are missing by being solitary.
This isn't me...it's someone else...I entered his life...and reminded him of all the things he wanted but felt he couldn't have. I seem to stumble upon these people that see something in me that fills a void in their own soul...for awhile. He warned me not to care...that he had demons he had yet to share. He was right.. He confessed his many sins(not really that many...but to him, monumental)...and I realized the truth of what he said.
I bear him no animosity...I think he is very noble. He was honest, both with me as well as himself. At least he didn't try to cover up his flaws, he didn't try to convince me of a normalcy that he really didn't own(something bachelor #2 could've done...but didn't). I wish him peace..I treasure the times we did have...and all the things he taught me. The unyielding support...the pride in my small accomplishments.
I just can't seem to cut people out of my life like some people can..which is fine..I accept it. It gives me a circle of people who will in some small way always care. Even if only a tiny bit. In the long run...I think I'll be a more fulfilled person because of it.
Sometimes the relationships between people have to change in scope and nature in order to grow beyond what you even imagined they could be. So...it's time to let go of what was...embrace what is....and look forward to what will be. It's gonna be good. : )
