Every damn time.....

I don't remember the exact day it premiered, but some 10 years ago I watched the very first episode of Grey's Anatomy.  I saw the relationship between Derek and Meredith start.  I grew to know and care about the denizens of Seattle Grace Hospital(now known as Grey-Sloan Memorial).  I have watched every episode and have been caught up in the spell that Shonda Rhimes and company have woven with their words and pictures.

Unless you have been hiding under a rock for the past week, you know that Derek Shepard, brilliant neurosurgeon, died last week.  It was a brilliantly written episode and it was absolutely heartwrenching to watch the last few minutes as that was when all the monitors stopped beeping and Dr. Shepard took his final breath.  I watched this week's 2 hour long episode and they rehashed a lot of Derek and Meredith's relationship as well as his untimely death. . 

Every time he takes his last breath.... I'm transported to another hospital room.  This happens anytime there is a death scene in a hospital.  It happens every time.  Everyone suffers loss.  Everyone loses people they love.  It's the natural order of things.  It's the way things work.  I still remember the smells and sounds of that other hospital room.  I still feel it in my chest when she takes her last breath and tears still slide down my cheeks.  I remember having a last conversation with mom.  Just the two of us.  I was the only one talking.  I told her it was time to go... her work was done.. we would all be ok.  There was no more she could do, we would all miss her, always, but it was time to let go. Time to rest.   She passed a few hours later.

I remember how tired I was later that night.  I remember not sleeping, so I talked to Lynny.  We weren't 'official' at that time...I can't remember what we were,  but he said he would leave the job he was working in upstate Illinois, and be with me.  It would have been a six hour drive  That impressed me.  I thought..."this is a good guy.  He's a little rough around the edges, but when it matters, he's the guy you want on your side".  I fell into a dreamless sleep after that.

I told him not to leave work, I didn't know what the arrangements were going to be.  I should have taken him up on it.  It would have been nice to have someone to lean on. 

I know there will come a day when I won't feel it.  I know that.  But when that happens, will that mean that I've become cold, cynical and apathetic to the pain of another? I'm not looking forward to that day.  It's much better to live fully and feel a little pain.

I'm back....and reading Fifty Shades...

I would like to begin by saying that reading, any reading, is a good thing and should be encouraged.  When the 'Fifty Shades of Grey' series by E. L. James came out, I didn't pay it a lot of attention.  The books were fan fiction novels written with the Twilight series novels by Stephenie Meyer as a template.  I had read the Twilight series and I liked them, but wasn't really interested in reading them again... in another form.

I have always loved reading and books, from the moment I discovered that letters formed words and words formed sentences and sentences could be formed into whole paragraphs and stories.  Stories can take you to whole other lives and explore the world without ever leaving your house, and opening your mind to new ideas.  How can you NOT like that?  My sister never got the reading bug, because she had some difficulties with spelling and reading, so it was a real struggle for her.  I always hated that and felt she was missing out on one of the real joys of life.  This is where Ms. E. L. James and her books enter the picture.

My sister was so enraptured by these stories, she tore through them in no time at all.  She moved on to other books by other authors and finally caught the reading bug.  I think it's wonderful that finally she's found the magic of the written word like I have.  Her experience is not unique, as billions of women the world over have finally discovered the joy of reading, and apparently erotic literature.  

I have no problem with erotic literature, PUHLEEZE... if you could only see the bookshelves of the home I grew up in. My mother had books that would have made Ms. James blush, many of which found their way into my teenage hands when I ran out of stuff to read. Erotic literature, romances, bodice rippers, whatever you choose to call them have been around for a long time. I confess to a rabid teenage crush on Fabio, the cover model for a lot of mom's books. I'm over it now.  I think.

So, back to the Fifty Shades books. My sister told me how much she loved them and I naturally had to read them to see what had finally lit her literary fire.  Well, all I can say is... ugh.  The main character, Ana, irritated me from the first page .  She is incredibly naive and whiny for a modern day college student with a 4.00 grade point average, and her relationship with Christian Grey(misogynistic, control freak) is dysfunctional and abusive yet framed as romantic and sensually adventurous.  The books aren't all that well written and that irritates me too, but I think the main appeal is that the subject matter- Dominance and submission are so mysterious to a lot of the women now reading these books. I have heard that the movie is a little better...  I may have to watch it just because the actors cast in it are yummy to look at.  I won't be paying full price... I'll wait for the DVD, thanks.

Ladies, in the name of all that is literary...read some GOOD erotica, please??  D. H. Lawrence, Anais Nin, Henry Miller, Bertrice Small, these people KNOW how to write.  They build great stories and interesting characters and the sensual scenes... um... grab some ice to cool down with, because you're gonna need it.  My friend, James Lee Nathan III has some great stuff on Leanpub.com. Look him up and you can thank me later.

Please read responsibly...  erotica is NOT reality, it's not meant to be.  As long as you keep that in mind, you'll be ok.