Saturday, September 15, 2007
FEAR
When I was a child my fears were simple. The monster under the bed. Getting a lump of coal for Christmas from Santa because of my misbehaviour during the year. Algebra.
As my maturity level and life changed, so did the things that I became afraid of. "Will he call me?" "Why did he call me?" "Should I have married this guy?" "if the stick is blue it means.....pregnant, right?" Before you could say "MOMMY" it all became about the children. How to keep them safe, protected, healthy and happy.
Oh, when they were young, they would be 'lost' occasionally....wander away..not tell me where they were going. More often than not, they knew where they were so, they assumed, I MUST know where they were. Right? I thought that part of my life was over. The "kids" are 20 and 14 now. The 20 year old has had her own life for quite some time and the 14 year old is very good about telling me which friends he is with at any given time.
Yesterday I learned what fear was. The 14 year old went over to the park to play with a friend and his dog. This was at 6:00pm. Now it isn't unusual for him and "the guys" to get a football game or a basketball game together so...I wasn't concerned that he wasn't home by 8pm. But he hadn't even had dinner yet, and at 9pm panic set in.
I walked around the neighborhood looking for him. nothing. I went to all of his known haunts. He wasn't there. It was fully dark now. I came back home and informed my husband. He was now officially concerned too. We got our neighbors together and began canvassing the neighborhood.
We knocked on doors. No one had seen him. I got back in the car and drove to the school, there had been a football game...maybe he went with some friends and didn't tell me. No. the game was over and the school deserted.
9:30 I passed a car accident and had a horrible thought, "what if he was struck by the car and he was the one in the ambulance?" I called home. He still hadn't shown up. This was completely unlike him. He could be kidnapped in any house and we'd never know..stuffed in a car trunk somewhere...awful scenarios were going through my head. I could see myself giving tearful, pleading interviews to local media. I prayed...I bargained...then I prayed again. "god, if you just let him be safe...I will never touch another oreo again...I'll think good thoughts, I won't criticize stupid drivers...anything."
When I got back...we and a group of the neighbors were discussing possible places he could be and if it was time to call the police when another neighbor overheard us. It was now 10 pm. He hadn't been seen for 4 hours. She called over to us "hey...what's going on?" I told her...tearfully...that my son was missing...She said..."no...he's with my son...he has been all night. They had pizza and he's been helping us pack up for the move."
I started crying....my son had told me that his friend had moved to live with his father, so it never occurred to me to check with that particular friend. He no longer lived there...right? My neighbor called her house and had her son bring my son out....I couldn't decide to hug him...or strangle him. I settled on the hug, but it was really tight. He got a very stern warning....and a very early curfew for the rest of the weekend.
I got about 10 years shaved off my life expectancy and a glimpse as to what can happen if you take things for granted
FEAR
When I was a child my fears were simple. The monster under the bed. Getting a lump of coal for Christmas from Santa because of my misbehaviour during the year. Algebra.
As my maturity level and life changed, so did the things that I became afraid of. "Will he call me?" "Why did he call me?" "Should I have married this guy?" "if the stick is blue it means.....pregnant, right?" Before you could say "MOMMY" it all became about the children. How to keep them safe, protected, healthy and happy.
Oh, when they were young, they would be 'lost' occasionally....wander away..not tell me where they were going. More often than not, they knew where they were so, they assumed, I MUST know where they were. Right? I thought that part of my life was over. The "kids" are 20 and 14 now. The 20 year old has had her own life for quite some time and the 14 year old is very good about telling me which friends he is with at any given time.
Yesterday I learned what fear was. The 14 year old went over to the park to play with a friend and his dog. This was at 6:00pm. Now it isn't unusual for him and "the guys" to get a football game or a basketball game together so...I wasn't concerned that he wasn't home by 8pm. But he hadn't even had dinner yet, and at 9pm panic set in.
I walked around the neighborhood looking for him. nothing. I went to all of his known haunts. He wasn't there. It was fully dark now. I came back home and informed my husband. He was now officially concerned too. We got our neighbors together and began canvassing the neighborhood.
We knocked on doors. No one had seen him. I got back in the car and drove to the school, there had been a football game...maybe he went with some friends and didn't tell me. No. the game was over and the school deserted.
9:30 I passed a car accident and had a horrible thought, "what if he was struck by the car and he was the one in the ambulance?" I called home. He still hadn't shown up. This was completely unlike him. He could be kidnapped in any house and we'd never know..stuffed in a car trunk somewhere...awful scenarios were going through my head. I could see myself giving tearful, pleading interviews to local media. I prayed...I bargained...then I prayed again. "god, if you just let him be safe...I will never touch another oreo again...I'll think good thoughts, I won't criticize stupid drivers...anything."
When I got back...we and a group of the neighbors were discussing possible places he could be and if it was time to call the police when another neighbor overheard us. It was now 10 pm. He hadn't been seen for 4 hours. She called over to us "hey...what's going on?" I told her...tearfully...that my son was missing...She said..."no...he's with my son...he has been all night. They had pizza and he's been helping us pack up for the move."
I started crying....my son had told me that his friend had moved to live with his father, so it never occurred to me to check with that particular friend. He no longer lived there...right? My neighbor called her house and had her son bring my son out....I couldn't decide to hug him...or strangle him. I settled on the hug, but it was really tight. He got a very stern warning....and a very early curfew for the rest of the weekend.
I got about 10 years shaved off my life expectancy and a glimpse as to what can happen if you take things for granted
1 comment:
So poor thing, you have not had oreos in how long?
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