Flying Free 3/29/08

Current mood: animated

My daughter and I have the typical relationship of most mothers and daughters. With a twist. When her father and I separated and later divorced, she chose to stay with him in the home she had known most of her life. I, being a supportive mom, did not force her. Instead I made sure that she always felt she had a place to be, wherever I am. I showed her love and understanding, knowing that eventually she would come to understand that leaving HIM did not mean, leaving HER. I was not a pushover. She did not get everything she wanted. I had rules and I expected her to abide by them when she stayed with me. For the most part, she did.

She was always a strong child, filled with her own convictions and ideals. I encouraged it. I like the fact that my children have their own minds and are not afraid to speak out. When she turned 18, however, I questioned my open attitude. As is most common with teenagers, they believe they know everything and you know nothing.HA. We had our moments of strife because of it. .

Recently, she and her father had been at odds over this or that. Her need to be an independent adult (she is now 20, to be 21 in May) and her father’s need to keep her a child are the crux of the problem. Her father’s need to control and her need to beat her wings against the cage that her childhood home had become were a constant source of irritation for both.

It became too much. Although she had been trying to find a place of her own, fate stepped in. Her old car finally died. The decision made, she bought a car. I admonished her to "please..please try to get along with your dad, so you can pay for it." She assured me that she would. Well..a week later, I get a call. She has to find another place to live. NOW. In five days.

(from my ex. What a sweetheart).

He can’t take it anymore, she’s disrespectful..yada..yada... I plead with him NOT to do this...This is NOT something you can ever undo. She’s trying to find a roommate so that she can still get a place of her own. Don’t do it. "I’ll think about it" he said. Again...what a jewel. He waited till she got home from work that night...he looked into her eyes..and told her. "you have 5 days to find somewhere else to live."

She called me tearfully that night and announced that "that man is no longer my father..I don’t know who he is." We met the next morning for breakfast. We went over her finances, her list of friends and possible roommates. I offered her a home with me. "No mom, its time. I gotta be on my own" He gave her 5 days. She did it in 72 hours. This all took place on Saturday and sunday.

Monday she had a place , two new male roommates(not my first choice..but they are good kids and she feels comfortable with them), and they and their friends were loading stuff up in trucks and moving her out. He came home and found her gone.
He expected her to cry, to beg, to stay his little girl. Instead, she said.."oh yeah...watch me soar!"

I am so filled with admiration and pride. I’m watching her...and her wings are beautiful.